Busy

For the past 27 years I have been busy.  I was busy completing my senior year of college.  I was busy getting married.  I was busy having babies.  I was busy raising children.  I was busy educating children.  I was especially busy raising teen-agers.  By especially busy I mean mind-blowingly busy.  Now my mind is blown permanantly, and I still have 2 teenagers at home. 

My oldest daughter got married a little less than 3 years ago.  My dad died a little more than one year ago.  Both of these events caused me a lot of introspection.  A few days after getting home from my dad's funeral, I got up one morning and actually looked at myself in the bathroom mirror.  I was shocked.  Somehow in all the busy-ness of life I failed to notice that I was aging.  All those years of rushing through morning routines, I was too busy looking only at necessary elements - teeth, hair, skin care - to really look at the whole.  It made it seem like one day I looked at the mirror and I was young with my life ahead of me, and the next day, in some cruel twist of fate, I looked in the mirror and I was OLD.

I started watching Korean dramas online.  My family is perplexed.  They wonder why I am wasting time on something so mindless.  Actually, I am resorting to mindless entertainment, because it is one of the few ways I found to quiet an otherwise always active mind.  Sometimes you just need to rest for a while.  And why do I need to rest?   I need to rest because I have been so busy.